Wednesday, 11 June 2008

The Time Is Now

It has been almost two months since I last posted my blog entry. I must apologize to my readers who may think I have gone missing and decided not to blog again. In fact, so many things have happened within my family in these two months so much so that I feel very depress and helpless at certain point in time. But I guess I need to be strong, for my family needs me more than ever now.

My mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and the doctor said it is most probably in stage 3c or 4. I read up a lot on ovarian cancer since the day my mum got admitted to the hospital and I knew stage 3c and 4 are the last two stages of ovarian cancer. The gynecologist doctor who saw my mum was actually a secondary school mate of mine and he did mention to me that the prognosis of ovarian cancer is not very optimistic. At that point of time, I really cannot hold back my emotions anymore and I cried. I knew for the very fact that crying would not help and I should not have cried especially in front of my mum. But I simply cannot control myself. I cleared all my FTOs during that period of time to accompany her in the hospital. I was in the hospital early in the morning and would not leave till late at night. I know my mum needs a lot of family support especially at this point in time.

Sometimes I really wonder what have my mum done wrong to deserve this. Her life as a child was not an easy one. Being the eldest daughter in the family, she got to help out at my grandfather stall at a very young age and she did not even have a chance to go school like her other siblings. As such, she does not even know how to write her own name. Yet, as a mum of us, she has given us unconditional love throughout our bringing up, taking care of us and ensuring we are always given the best and working long hours for some miserable paycheck just so as to lessen the burden of the family. Finally when my sister got married and had her first child this year, we advised her to retire so she can help to take care of my nephew. I was happy that she can finally relax and enjoy a little after all these years of hard work and can lead a better life at old age now. But then…why should she be stricken with this? I regretted very much not bringing her to do annual checkup. I hate myself for not noticing the first time she complained about her abdomen discomfort. I am really very angry with myself.

As the day passes by and I see her getting thinner and thinner and her hairs starting to drop because of the chemotherapy she is undergoing, my heart aches a lot. The very fact that I am so helpless seeing her suffering but not able to share with her the pain she is undergoing really make me very useless. The fact that she has to take a blood test every time she goes down to the hospital made my heart aches even more. The fact that she lost her sister few years back and her father the very next year made me realized one thing - this world has not in any way be kind or fair to her. Why must her life be so tough?

I once came across a poem when I first learnt to design my own webpage and I can appreciate that poem more than ever now. I would like to share that poem here with my readers. This poem titled “The time is now”. I hope my readers would forward it to anyone who they think might benefit them in one way or another. This poem was written by a mum to her son.


If you are ever going to love me
Love me now while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow

Love me now while I am living
Do not wait until I am gone
And then have it chiseled in marble
Sweet words on ice cold stone

If you have tender thoughts of me
Please tell me now
If you wait until I am sleeping
Never will be death between us
And I won't hear you then

So if you love me, even a little bit
Let me know while I am living
So that I can treasure it

Please feel free to bless anyone with this poem. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my friends, my colleagues and my readers that have given me a lot of support and encouragement during this very tough time of mine. Due to my mum condition, I have missed out some of the WAT gatherings and I have decided to take my CFA level II exam next year instead. Lastly, I will be back blogging and sharing things I learnt. Thanks everyone.

1 comment:

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